M-Cats Go Down Clawing, Mock Trial Wins

Members of the boys' varsity basketball team "should feel nothing but pride," asserted a prominent Limudei Kodesh teacher at Maimo.
The M-Cats' loss on Tuesday night culminated a season of victories and disappointments. After posting a regular-season record of 12-4, the team lost 64-60 (and according to the MIAA website 65-60) to Snowden High School, eliminating the M-Cats from the state tournament.
Before the game, one member of the team remarked, "it's great that Snowden is a much better team that we are. This way people are expecting us to lose and there's no pressure." Maimonides administrators arranged for the game to take place in the nearby Brookline High School, as Maimo's gym is not usable for post-season play. M-Cats fans had a large turnout at the game, and one sophomore even made enormous banners to be held to cheer on the school's players.
"It's just frustrating," commented one M-Cat, "I know we played hard and I know we played well (especially in the second half), but it would have been better had we won." Nonetheless, a Maimonides teacher says that "it was the best game he had ever seen since he came in 1997."
Maimo was down 15 points in the beginning of the second half, but mounted a comeback and managed to gain a 1-point lead over Snowden in the fourth quarter. Unfortunately, the lead was not kept and Maimo will not advance to any further round of the tournament.

The boys' varsity team did defeat Gann twice, though, sweeping the season series between the rival schools.

The girls varsity basketball team lost to their Georgetown High School opponents.

Maimo's intellectual team scored its third regular-season win, its 12th consecutive victory. The triumph came by a margin of one point. "It was the craziest trial I had been to," said a sophomore who had an active role in the trial.
The judge threw Maimo a curve ball and it was just able to hit a walk-off single. Instead of hearing each team's closing arguments, the officiator asked the lawyers questions regarding the case. Once he determined that a summing of the teams scores rendered them tied, the judge allowed for the closing to proceed normally. A perfect 10 was awarded to Maimo's closing as opposed to the 9 for the opponent's final remarks. Every other participant received a score of 9.
One of the Mock Trial captains who observed the trial called the trial a "nail-bitter" and wrote in an email that "he personally believes that we watchers had an equally tough job."
The team plays Cambridge Rindge & Latin in the tie-breaker round on Wednesday, March 3 at 2 p.m. at the Newton City Hall to determine who will advance into post-season play and who will rest his case.

Read more: "M-CATS BATTLE IN STATE TOURNAMENT"

Highlights

M&M is gaining new readers every day. Some are not impressed by a welcome article of harsh restriction oncommenting and may never come back. M&M has therefore decided to provide links here to the best of the month.
These articles have been selected based on their commenters' responses and other factors.

Please read:

• Goyish Satmar Hechsher, in which a Kiryas Joel Kashrus organization's antizionism is questioned, and
• Master Massefski, in which a careful psycholanalysis of the Spectrum's general editor's article "Up in the Air" reveals that he wishes to be principal of the Maimonides School.

To read, simply click on the green hyperlinked text.

For those wondering what on earth the second part of M&M's name is, please read the introduction to this blog.

Also, make sure to refer to M&M's general disclaimer lest you file a class-action suit against this blog and invest millions of dollars in legal expenses only to figure out that M&M has a not-at-all-legally-functional disclaimer.

Pre-Purim Shpiel?

M&M is proud to make a rumor an official rumor.

The age-old tradition at Maimo has always been that the Purim Shpiel is after the Purim night Megilah reading. The tradition is allegedly being paused this year.

In un-walled cities, the Megilah is normally read on the night of the 14th of Adar, which falls out this year on the 28th of February, Saturday night. The Purim Shpiel, consequentially, would be performed on מוצאי שבת.

The Purim Shpiel is a comical play meant to reflect the happy mood of the ancient Rabbinic holiday. It varies in form from community to community, but in Maimo the Purim Shpiel entails several, usually intertwined, skits of mockery of teachers and administrators, as well as multimedia inserts throughout the play. The senior class is the organizer, producer and acting troupe of the performance.

Rumor has it that this year, the Purim Shpiel will not be held neither on Purim nor even at night. The Shpiel will be presented during the last three periods this Friday. A senior has confirmed this rumor. "The administration is being really uncooperative, so it looks like it's going to happen the last three periods on Friday."

The general reaction of the senior class is not a positive one. Upon learning that a 70% percent chance of a snowfall threatens to befall the area on Friday and perhaps even cancel school, one senior was heard exclaiming today in the library, "see--even Hashem wants the Shpiel to happen on Saturday night.

"In charge" of the Purim Shpiel is senior Ari Massefski, "but Max Bessler and Yiriel Liss have definitely helped," remarked another member of the graduating class.

Comments Policy

M&M is extremely pleased to see how many comments are being posted lately, probably as a result of the recent article "Coming Attractions." However, a recent abuse in comments has made need for a policy to be set.

1. M&M does not want to impose too many limitations or restrictions on the commenting. (Don't draw conclusions--M&M is non-partisan. [Until the next election, at least.]) Nevertheless, M&M must be a safe environment for all posters. In order to preserve a comfortable setting, it is vital to maintain the anonymity of the those who comment who choose to remain anonymous.


2. Therefore, any comment which jeopardizes the full anonymity or which may disclose any private information which should not be disclosed will promptly be removed or edited.


3. M&M owns all comments and information posted on this site.


4. It is official M&M policy that the attempt to discover the identity of any anonymous commenter is an offensive and inappropriate act. Therefore, all M&M readers are requested in the strongest manner to abstain from attempting to uncover the identity of any anonymous commenter.


5. Should an M&M reader have an inkling of suspicion as to the identity of a commenter, the reader is to keep that suspicion to himself or herself and never disseminate that feeling to anyone else.


6. The statements of this policy shall be nullified in regards to a commenter when he or she shall make his or her identity known. This provides for people to discuss the first name of the commenter who has revealed his or her first name but not more. Thus, the level of allowed discussion of a commenter's identity is equal to the degree of identification to which the commenter has identified himself or herself.


7. This policy shall be accepted by all readers upon opening the web page of this blog. This policy is effective immediately and retroactively.

M&M chose to make this policy in a pseudo-legal format because it was a good shtickle to do so. Additionally, M&M recently read the actual proposed act of forbidding circumcision in Massachusetts. The Vos Iz Neias news story covering this act can be found by clicking here.

M&M would also like to inform its readers that it doesn't care if anyone understood what was said above. Basically, M&M reserves the right to do whatever it wants with anything on this site.

Gastronomical Gimmicks

Many people aim to eat healthily and take pride in a bonus nutrient they can sneak into a snack or smoothie. Vitamins are an old trophy for the health eater. Calcium supplements are newer additions to people’s diets. Today, there is an obsession with novel additions to people’s eating habits. Most of these “wholesome” and “beneficial” ingredients were unheard-of ten years ago.
True, the study of biochemistry and vitamins and minerals has greatly advanced in the last decade. However, it seems like every tomato farmer and soy bean agriculturalist knows more about what’s good for consumers’ livers and digestive tracts than veteran doctors.
This morning’s cereal boxes advertised more iron and calcium and zinc and aluminum and tin and lithium and nickel, vitamins and everything good. Of course, it didn’t advertise its 9g of highly-processed sugar. One can picture a mother feeling very accomplished when she feeds her toddler a “nutritious” breakfast, feeding him so that he can grow big and strong. "Strong" is a doubtful outcome of that meal, but "big"—horizontally, that is—is quite likely.
About five years ago Heinz Ketchup® changed its whole look to accommodate a new label advertising the “powerful antioxidant lycopene.” Many consumers who had never before heard of such a nutrient wondered why no doctor had ever told them that they would eventually rust were it not for a daily dose of ketchup.
More recently the whole grains campaign took flight. A sudden awareness of being cheated out of baked products for thousands of years maddened consumers and brought them to demand the complete grain and not just some rip-off portion of it.
Newest, however, is soymilk’s benefits. In today’s age of rampant vegan lifestyles, the popularity of non-dairy alternative to cows’ milk has soared. Soymilk can taste good, whether one believes it or not. But the best part of soymilk is undoubtedly its isoflavenoids. Microsoft Word spellchecker doesn’t even recognize the word. Most consumers of soymilk presumably have no idea what the aforementioned “nutrients” are or what their function is. However, the drinker of such a product is entitled to feel quite self-righteous for taking such good care of his or her body.
The fish market has also recently experienced a boost after the invention—discovery, that is—of omega-3 fish oils. One must figure that if something bears a name which is the combination of a Greek letter and a number, connected by a dash, it must pose invaluable health benefits to the body. Perhaps it does, but one must suspect that the greater benefits go to the fishermen who recently suffered the mercury-in-the-tuna scandal.
Instead of mowing lawns and shoveling walks, the entrepreneur should just discover a new food item with health benefits. And if the benefit is unknown, or doesn’t actually exist, he or she can follow in the footsteps of every other nutritionist and claim that it helps the heart.
Perhaps these substances really do help one’s physique and health. Nevertheless, more nourishing than the alleged benefits of all these dietary enhancements is the release of endorphins prompted by the consumer upon discovering that yet another healthy ingredient has been found in chocolate or schmaltz herring.

M&M Readers Are Pious People, Poll Shows

A recent poll conducted on Maimomatziv.blogspot.com has revealed that readers of the newly-started blog are into תורה לשמה.
A grand total of 9 people participated in the poll. It is possible, however--even likely--that some participants voted twice. The creator and host of the poll, M&M decided not to force voters to have cookies enabled and thus allow for possible double-voting.
"I just hate cookies, and it wouldn't be fair to make my readers enable them just to ensure accuracy of my anyways-informal poll," stated an M&M spokesPERSON.
Participants were asked why they pay attention during Talmud class and were allowed to select multiple answers from "for the grade," "for the Torah" and "I don't pay attention."
While only 22% of voters admitted that they don't pay attention in Talmud class, a striking 77% proudly marked that they pay attention for the Torah. An additional 33% said that they pay attention for the grade.
M&M plans to change nothing in the blog's style, even given the poll results.

Coming Attractions

While M&M apologizes for its recent relative inactivity due to vacation week, it seeks to announce upcoming exciting stories:

• Al-Qaeda In Maimo
• Prozdor--Drug Rehab?

Please note that while these stories are developing and interesting, M&M reserves the right to not follow any of them. M&M would really like to see more comments being posted as incentive to continue posting. M&M is considering fabricating an inflammatory controversy just to get its readers to post their thoughts and not just select a "reaction" beneath the post. M&M also asks that readers at least select a "reaction" if one applies.

As always, the reader is reminded to refer to M&M's General Disclaimer.

Al-Qaeda Controls Weather

Many Bostonians are wondering where yesterday's snowstorm was.
Weather forecasters predicted 8-11 inches of snow to fall yesterday in the Boston area. A light dusting, mostly melted already by today, was the only taste of the expected nor'easter.
Many schools, stores and businesses didn't open at all yesterday or closed early in anticipation of a massive display of winter weather. Governor Patrick gave the day off to the Commonwealth's "non-essential workers" (whose salary the taxpayers are paying). The precautions turned out to be mostly for naught, and great financial losses were incurred due to the closings. Additionally, the City of Boston and other districts declared a snow emergency and ticketed 3,353 and towed 229 vehicles, according to Boston.com. Those districts have decided to pardon the fines.
The residents of the Greater Boston area are turning to the weather forcasters as scapegoats and demanding public apologies for the forecast which never came true. One must face it, however, that due to the unpredictable nature of the weather, it is impossible to forecast with 100% accuracy.
The question remains with many, nontheless: how could the meteorologists have been 7-10 inches off?
Although the story may be breaking on this site, and the terrorist group has not yet claimed responsibility for the attack, it is possible that none other than Al-Qaeda was behind this extreme over-estimation. Its intent: to ruin at least half a day of finincial production for much of Boston's institutions. Its method: hack all the weather station's radars and other forecasting devices to show an enormous storm approaching, and place this sabotage strategically after much of the Mid-Atlantic was whited-out by snowstorms. It also helped that many Boston-area schools have not yet had a "snowday," that is, a closing due to snow. Thus, the anticipation, even the desire for a treacherous snowstorm was high, and the meteorologist proffessionals would be even more likely to fall for the terrorist's trap.
Of course, this is false; but it is quite entertaining to ponder such a reaction by the public.
Please note: as stated in the disclaimer below, the author of this post in no way intends to belittle the actions or plots of any terrorist group or the effects, causes, consequences and ramifications of their actions.

General Disclaimer

Those who watch my videos may be aware of the enjoyment I find in making fun of ideas, institutions, and as much as is permitted (and sometimes more), individuals. Those who watch my videos also have heard my general disclaimer. It is put it into text format below.

Disclaimer: A mockery or ridicule of any idea, institution, group, individual, event, feeling, or anything else does not in any way necessarily indicate an ideological disagreement, wish to do harm, desire for change of ideology or principals, or otherwise. It simply is a manifestation of my desire to share observations with others. This disclaimer is general and applies always unless explicitly stated otherwise.

There. Now I cannot be sued for making fun of people. So when it's your turn on my hit list, console yourself with this disclaimer.

Goyish Satmar Hechsher

One who observes will have noticed that the Butcherie in Brookline hasn't sold the same brand of Chalav Israel milk for a month strait.


Up until two years ago, it was always the same Golden Flow milk that was sold to members of the Boston community who drink Chalav Israel. Recenlty, however, their has been a representation of many different brands on the dairy products shelf.


One shopper was not so pleased.

"Where's the Lubavitch milk,"

he exclaimed. The traditionally-sold milk carried the Lubavitch seal indicating kosher status.


This week's milk is celebrating its debut in Boston. Devash Farms milk is certified Kosher and Chalav Israel by Vaad Hakashrus Kiryas Yoel.


Upon first glance at the bottle, one is assured that this new milk too is Chalav Israel and certified by a heimishe hechsher. However, upon a closer observation, one will realize that this Vaad Hakashrus is goyish. Smack in the middle of the bottle is a blue and white banner announcing that the milk is low fat. BLUE AND WHITE! The colors of....

The inquirer will wonder whether this Vaad Hakashrus is to trust. How can they be so corrupt as to grant certification to a milk company with a blue and white banner on their bottles?!
Additionally, how can they lend their approval to a company with a name from the verse describing Eretz Israel, clearly impying Zionist tendencies?! But worst of all, how can the Vaad put a palm tree in the middle of their logo? Don't palm trees remind people of Israel?
One should rest assured, however. The milk still is Chalav Israel. For goyim, at least. For real yidden, it should be חלב שיהודי ראה בחליבו, abbreviated חשר"ב, or milk which a Jew saw its milking, the abbreviated form sounding much like a Hungarian word. The term should changed in order to avoid using the term "Israel," which has led to Zionist thoughts, frivoulous responses to concerts, and of course, mixed dancing.

Failed French Class Flusters Torah

Some of Maimo’s extracurricular Torah-learning opportunities faced doubtful futures due to complications with the tenth grade French class.
As part of last year’s attempt to make its operating budget more efficient, the school laid off many employees, among them Madame Linda Sapol, the previous French teacher. This year, her task is performed by two teachers. While Madame Terry Anne Bynoe teaches the tenth grade, Mrs. Tobie Geller teaches all the other classes.
Madame Bynoe is currently a student at Brandeis University. The first semester of the year ran in a rather streamlined manner. Three scheduled periods of French a week ensured that the Class of ’12 would have a well-rounded basic instruction of one of the most geographically speaking widely-spoken languages in the world. However, the commencement of the second semester posed problems for the French class. Brandies University rescheduled Madame Bynoe’s classes schedule and programmed her classes in conflicting times with her teaching schedule.
The school was faced with a dilemma: it could scramble to find a new French teacher for the second time in six months. Alternatively, it could bend the student’s schedules backwards to reschedule the French classes. It chose the latter option.
French class for tenth graders now takes place twice a week, on Mondays during lunch and sixth period, and on Wednesdays starting during the normally-scheduled French class and continuing into the first fifteen minutes of lunch. Indeed, the sophomores are actually getting five more minutes of French every week than they used to before the change.
However, the alteration of arrangement posed serious effects; it threatened to shut down the Wednesday lunchtime ChassiduT class.
The class began this year and is taught by Mr. Shmuel Silberman. The main texts of the lessons have included works by various Chassidic masters, including the חובת התלמידים by The Pozezner Rav, מאור עיניים by Rebbe Nachum of Chernobyl, one of the forefathers of the Talner Rebbe; and currently the ליקוטי מוהר"ן, the teachings of Rebbe Nachman of Breslev. Rabbi Silberman has even amalgamated his own research into a class on marriage from the Chassidic perspective. The class originally has a core of three students, all of which are in the tenth grade French class. (A core student is defined as one who has attended the class from its inception.) Their Wednesday lunchtime class was facing obliteration, as it clashed with the rescheduled French class.
Additionally, Monday’s sixth period signifies one thing for many high school boys: the Lomdesher class with Rabbi Aharon Benmergui. Two boys in the tenth grade French class have been attending Rabbi Benmergui’s Shiur since it began last year.
Both classes have adapted to fit the new schedules of the French students. The ChassiduT class has decided simply to begin fifteen minutes into lunch, at the conclusion of the extended French period. Rabbi Benmergui has graciously rearranged his agenda to shift his class to Thursday’s sixth period.
The change in schedule of the French class has brought mixed reactions. One student says “it has no bearing on my schedule—if it doesn’t interfere, I don’t care.” Another is quite upset at the turmoil surrounding their once-peaceful French class. Both students wished to remain anonymous.
French will soon no longer be taught in Maimo; the school is gradually implementing a new Arabic program.
In the meantime, one may look back to the Tannaic period and reflect upon the stories of the greatest teachers of Israel relocating entire institutions to different cities in order to preserve the continuity of the Torah. Teachers of Torah must be willing to adapt to new situations and circumstances; clearly, the מלמדי תורה at Maimo are well aware and have already taken decisive action to maintain the eternity of Torah.

Master Massefski

Ari Massefski wants to be the next principal of the Maimonides School.
The editor-in-chief of Spectrum writes about Rabbi Altshuler and his frequent trips to and from Israel in the last edition (February 2010). Through an interesting psychoanalysis of the article he authored, it becomes clear that the senior wants to fill our top administrator’s position.
Massefski sets the article against the backdrop of “rumors and speculation” about Rabbi Altshuler’s absences from school. Massefski, interested in the secrets of the trade of principal, decides to embark “on a journey to find out the truth” about being a principle in absentia and was determined to discuss with Rabbi Altshuler the technical aspects of leading a school.
The hopeful principal believes that he has a perk in his résumé which makes him the best candidate for the position. Massefski will not have a full-time job upon his graduation. Although Rabbi Altshuler hopes to have a chance to “show the newcomer the tricks of the trade,” this will be difficult, writes Massefski, because the new principal “will most likely still have a job until they begin work at Maimonides.” Massefski’s unemployment should land him the job.
In fact, Massefski boasts of some advantages over Rabbi Altshuler. He writes: “[w]hen Rabbi Altshuler is here, his entire focus is on…Maimonides School.” This, claims Massefski, is this year true for the first time, since Rabbi Altshuler’s “Family is halfway across the world.” Ari will not have a family for whom to be responsible in the way Rabbi Altshuler is. Moreover, Massefski has a better vocabulary than Maimo’s current principal: “But when he [Rabbi Altshuler] is in Israel, his focus is…understandably…on his family. (This is my input. Rabbi Altshuler did not say “understandably.” That was me.)” Ironically, Massefski’s excellent vocabulary does not necessarily come along with proper English—he uses the object pronoun “me” to rename the subject “that” while grammar rules instruct that the subject pronoun "I" must be used in such a case.
The desire to be principal is not a negative yearning by any means. Such a wish shows a deep devotion and love for the school and a willingness to do whatever it takes to stay within the confines of the school community and lead it.
Perhaps Massefski does not believe that he wants to be principal. But that is only because of his inability to sense his inner psyche. The hints placed subconsciously throughout his article clearly demonstrate that next year the person giving Divrei Torah before Ashrei could be none other than Ari Massefski.

Vehi Sheamda Whisked Off the Web

Yaakov Shwekey may have revolutionized an age-old tradition with his 5 minute song. YouTube has made sure to crush that revolt.
Upon composing a "video bar" for the readers of M&M, the author found that all footage of the concert in Ceasaria, Israel, where the song first aired, had been deleted.
Composed by Yonatan Razel, Shwekey's new tune for Vehi Sheamda, a popular segment of the Passover Haggadah, is likely to substitute the age-honored melody in many homes this year. Even if it doesn't succeed in replacing the usually-used tune, it will surely maintain, if not increase, its fame. Vehi Sheamda is featured on Shwekey's album "Live in Ceasaria," released December 9, 2008. Even though Pesach 2009 has passed since its publication, the song did not soar to its height of popularity until this year.
If one attempts to search for the video of Vehi Sheamda once on YouTube, one will find messages the likes of "This video is no longer available due to a copyright claim by The Project Company " and other messages mentioning rights abuse.
Of course, other videos of the tune are viewable, but they just don't cut it.
It is saddening and indicatory of a poor matziv when videos of Jewish music are removed from the Web due to copyright infringement. Honest people must now lose out because of those who don't take the 8th Commandments seriously.
The only video on the web can be found here (a copy appearing on dailymotion.com). Watch it now while it lasts!

תענית דיבור

The weeks of שובבי"ם are coming to a close this שבת. To mark the occasion, The Sephardic Community of Greater Boston (SCGB) is holding a תענית דיבור.
The word “שׁוֹבָבִים” means “rebellious” in Hebrew. It appears in Jeremiah 3:23—“ שׁוּבוּ בָּנִים שׁוֹבָבִים”, meaning, “return, o rebellious children.” The context of the verse is that the prophet encourages Israel to repent and do שובבי"ם .תשובה is also an acronym for the names of the first six weekly Torah portions of the Book of Exodus, read around this time of year: שמות, וארא, בא, בשלח, יתרו, משפטים.
According to דברי קבלה, these six weeks are an auspicious time to repent, particularly for the sins relating to the אות ברית קודש.
Beginning at 5:26 AM, the program for the day features the recitation of the entire Book of Psalms three times in the time between the morning and afternoon prayers. Food is served and is open to the public, as eating is not prohibited whatsoever.
Naturally, nobody will be quoted for their comments on the תענית דיבור—I started following this story today. However, many people do perform this “fast” and repeat it annually. Rabbi Hamaoui traditionally holds the תענית דיבור on the last Sunday of שובבי"ם.
The fast is completely voluntary; it is not mandatory according to Halacha. However, for those who can commit, a תענית דיבור is equal to 65,500 normal fasts, according to the SCGB’s weekly newsletter.
For those who cannot complete an entire day of quiet, it is very appropriate to abstain from speaking לשון הרע and otherwise using the mouth in vain. One helpful exercise to abstain from speaking illegal parley is to wait five seconds before saying anything. During that short time, one should think whether what he or she was about to utter is really worth saying—one should consider all possible ramifications of his or her statement.
The fast ends at 5:49 PM.

Meaning of the Name

Welcome to Maimo & Matziv !
This blog is a source of information, news stories and entertainment. Its main topics of discussion are the Maimonides School in Brookline, MA and the entire world.

I will proceed to explain the significance of each word of the blogs name.

Maimo: News and info about the Maimonides School in Brookline, MA. Many stories will be covered here that would otherwise never be publicized.

Matziv: Yiddish meaning "situation" from the Hebrew מצנ, meaning the same. This blog will hopefully comment on world news, but primarily on the Matziv of the frumme velt and Maimo.

This blog aims to be לשון הרע-free. However, it will remain uncensored by any Maimonides official.

(Additionally, the usage herein of the abbreviation and nickname M&M shall refer to the blog and/or its editorial staff. It does not, however, bear any reference to the trademark of the Mars Candy Company.)